deferred. Defiant.

The battle rests.
And I cover my face with both hands and I laugh
and I laugh

and I laugh.

I'm soaking it up. The disappointment, the stupid-parade. So I let the tune carry me away... please G-d, find someone who... the silky harmonies enwrap my now cold shoulders, and the deep pit inside my chest feels pricked. And I bow my head forward, and then bring it up, and my eyes look straight ahead
at this screen
at these words, as they're coming up letter by l e t t e r
and theletterscomeatmequickly so I defer this composition.

I defer it until tomorrow.
I defer it all until this utter hilarity allows me to cry

until then
crylaugh nightday

Getting back.

to tears.

quietude

"There's a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in..." Leonard Cohen

Yud Gimmel Tammuz.

Release of all sorts.
http://video.on.nytimes.com/?fr_story=fd29f832301c39b513e868021acb32e80a26d881

rabbi nachman said to scream

speak of me as i am

Of one that lov'd not wisely but too well
~Othello

Days of Sun

I'm standing here. I'm holding my chin and rubbing my eyes.

I'm crying. Tears.

She stands one foot and a few inches behind me, to my left. She's crying, too. Tears, I think. Not sure, though.

It's me, and it's her, and it's as if we are strangers to one another. The fact that we rode here to the cemetery together doesn't change that. Nor does the fact that we will ride away together and get out at the same spot and that I'll be the one chopping up a salad to go with the fish she's marinating for dinner. None of it changes anything.

The girl in front of me is standing next to an older version of herself, and her hand slowly reaches up to rub the woman's back. Her mother leans in and tucks her head into the curve of her daughter's shoulder. Sobbing, holding, clinging to one another.

And I sob, and I sob, and I hold my head in my hands, and I spot my cousin whom I haven't seen in months, and collapse into her arms.

I hate it. I hate this. I hate that I'm here.

I hate that we aren't.

Sun day.

Too many words to describe something that doesn't even exist. ~

A d m a t a i.

out in the streets, they call it murder

pivotal.

Now, I pray every night that my children should grow up to a
Torah life,
Jewish marriage,
and good deeds. CBJordan

~blessings

and, so, too-face, also, though, but-book

it's in the title of my blog too.

if you've never noticed

;)

it's a little joke...e

but it has a lot of connotations

about the sillinesses and stupidities and just small tiny nuances-

that make up everything we are.

yknow?

Leave your thoughts.

in Side out

It has shown me...
...that everything is illuminated in the light of the past.
It is always along the side of us...
...on the inside, looking out.

Like you say, inside out.



(start wearing purple, wearing purple.. :'D)

. 

in Case

Why did she bury it?
I do not know.
Ask him.
She wants to know why Augustine buried her wedding ring...
...when she thought she would be killed.
So there'd be proof that she existed?
To remember her.
No. I don't think so.
In case...
In case someone should come searching one day.
So they would have something to find.
No, it does not exist for you.
You exist for it.
You have come because it exists.

capitalization punctuation

Have a cocoa bar.

...the color of this blog changes as I scroll down...up here, it's so misrepresentin.

The white changes. It goes from reddish bluish to greenish purplish to a warm
yellow

Bless the yellow :')

cab(s) for a Heart Squeeze

by death cab(s) for cuties.

to strength.

lift your head

Whenever a G-dly act is performed, all involved are elevated beyond time.
Save a life--you are Noah saving the entire world. Feed weary travelers--they are the angels coming to visit Abraham and Sarah. And Abraham and Sarah are hosting them with you. In fact, all those who had truth in their lives are here with us today.

It is only that we are so much a part of this river of time, we cannot lift our heads to see above it.

Only when the falseness of the world will be ripped away and all is elevated to a place of truth, then we shall all see each other, together once again.

Many are my thoughts.*

But as G-d says: Rabot Machshavot B'lev Ish, V'atzat Hashem Hee Takum. Many are the thoughts in the heart of man, and G-d’s counsel is: Get up.

*but not mine. stolen. without permission, even. = (

life, life

it's worth living just to experience the doubt which makes it feel so real.
~ chan a

you're a Warrior

A warrior of the light always does something out of the ordinary. He may dance in the street as he walks to work. Or look into the eyes of a stranger and speak of love at first sight. From time to time, a warrior puts forward an idea which may sound ridiculous, but which he believes in.

The warriors of the light allow themselves such days.

Imitative S h a d o w s

Jerusalem...where the reality of the everyday brushes against the eternal without our being able to separate them.
~We Jews, Author's Introduction

The notion that the Jew has stolen the national self, the "I" of a host people. It is as though the shadow not only imitates the movements of the master; he does is so well that the master begins to feel that he himself is becoming a shadow. Ironically, he becomes the shadow of a figure that is only an imitation of him.

con-sid-er-a-tion

thoughtfulness

I Will Be Light

it's not about you...
you've got one tiny moment in time for life to shine.
be light.

Kol Galgal

A day, a day, a night, a day

tomorrow, yesterday and today are Sunday sometimes.
But all three days and night today was Sunday.
And tomoz is Monday.

'We dedicate this heart that you created from the start, this beating heart will always cling to you.
We dedicate this soul that will never ever ever fall,
this heart and soul always belong to you.' ~Ken Burgess

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
~Robert Frost

The Philosophers' Dinner

sixteen people, eight formal courses, six philosophical proofs, one very cool evening.

Seating and Introduction
An aperitif with French mint candies. (aperitifS)

Design
Several offerings of fresh breads and chi chi spreads.

First Cause
Sushi, saki, and a pate. Foods that end in vowels mostly.

Moral
Mango, Cranberry, Dates of Palm, and Letuces.
Green is good, other colors are important too.

Ontological
A duality of Peach-Cinnamon Soup (coooold soup!)

Psychological
Crown Racks of Lamb with blueberry dressing, (stuffing plus cranberries...)
Summer Venison Stew (bambi :'( ), seved with Guinness and Merlot.

Pascal's Wager
Chocolate and Carrot Cakes, Bowl o' Cherries. (nope, no cherries.)

Close
Ports, Cigars, Fresh Coffees or Teas

We need to live

http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk/2008/06/this_latest_award_i_dedicate_t.html#more
oh may G-d bless you Adrian... your life shines, and it will keep shining
always.

One book to my desert? A good book. Shavuot. Shavuot. Shavuot.

I feel like posting the day and date every day and date. Like, today is Wednesday, June 11th.

Point is, I would take a lil medium sized large pocket Torah. I really would.
It was Shavuot in two-thousand-and-eight. or rather in five-thousand-seven-hundred-and-fifty-eight since Adam came to be. And I became me on that day, too. cuz I chose a good book, I think.

G-d.

Wondrous Night of Rain

d r i p d r o p d r o p d r o p
dr ip dr op dri p drop dripdrip dropdripdripdrop
dropdripdripdropdripdripdripdripdropdrop
DROPDRIPPOUNDINGDROPDROPRAINRAINDRIPPOURDROP
lai lai where am I
if not barefoot
dancing
outside on the rough pavement of the middle of my
road.