Wednesday, June 15, 2011

flow mo(ve)ments

for one month I read torah
for one month I sketched, things
for one month I took out my headphones
(well, more like a year)
for one month I watched
(perhaps all my life)
for these few weeks I danced
(I felt your music)
for one month I drank coffee
for eight months I worked
I craved (study)
I waited, I longed (for someone?)
I smiled (was at ease)
I rode a roller coaster (with loops, I tell ya)
I trusted, I never trusted
I did both (at once)

silence. noise
leave her alone (and)
embrace her (now)

Hold me closer tiny dancer..don't count headlights..you had a busy day today..

"What goes around comes around. Today, you help me..one day, someone else'll help you.. So please, if you'd like to make a purchase, or a small donation..."

[Trail off subway. Close curtains.]

לומדים לשתוק, ושוכחים שגם צריך
לדבר
לפעמים
ולא הרבה
אבל צריך

אלא אם מתפוצצים קודם

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

it's like

maybe if i don't speak

it'll be like i don't exist

Friday, May 20, 2011

אכסוף

this nigun changed my life...and life...
is ever changing


rak brachot alechem...
tamid
shabbat
ahava

Thursday, May 19, 2011

frame the halves

there's nothing more whole...


hinei
ani matchila lishmoa

...

ha'tze'adim shel Rabbi Shimon

!

your words are poetry

yuknow?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

האמת היא, לא היה קשור נשיקה או פרפר
היתה פה הבנה בשתיקה
שרק עולה כשנותנים לשתיקה לדבר

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

being here

is notedly different than
being back

thank gd

פרידה

מה זאת היתה
אם רק נשיקת פרפר
וגם זאת היתה מספיק להבין
מה היה
ואולי יותר

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

עד דלא ידע

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn't make any sense.

~Rumi

Perhaps Purim is testimony to that space...beyond the structures of the world, where evil is blessed and good is cursed, where evil and good aren't opposing forces, but are all simply elements of atzmut... and that, there is emet.
And that is why this olam is an olam of sheker, because it is a structure bearing false testimony to its essence, hiding behind dichotomies of good and evil...

On Purim we're encouraged to tap into that emet, to realize that essentially, the dichotomy set up in this world is only one layer of existence, and while that duality is necessary for this world to exist (and even for us to dance with the idea that truth exists)...it is not the essence of what is really at the core of our cosmos. At the core is emet, כחשיכה כאורה...where what we call "good" and "bad" are merely all part of the big, wild, infinite blur of atzmut.

Interesting.. the words עד דלא ידע. It seems that we are being called to lose the יודעת part of us, the self, the conscious, the me that wants to know, in order to understand. We are called to enter a space that is beyond the limited consciousness that relies on structure in order to exist...

to frolic in that grass beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, where even the phrase each other doesn't make any sense...

Sunday, March 13, 2011

ז' אדר

sadness doesn't need to mean heaviness

ode to a Pur sheHu Goral
to nights of mo(u)rning
and missingness of
then
now
tomorrow

lchaim ulivracha
lchaim ulivracha!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

שר לבדו

חופים הם לפעמים געגועים לנחל.
ראיתי פעם חוף
שנחל עזבו
עם לב שבור של חול ואבן.
והאדם, והאדם הוא לפעמים גם כן יכול
להישאר נטוש ובלי כוחות
ממש כמו חוף.

גם הצדפים
כמו חופים, כמו הרוח
גם הצדפים הם לפעמים געגועים
לבית שתמיד אהבנו
אשר היה ורק הים
שר לבדו שם את שיריו.

כך בין צדפי ליבו של האדם שרים לו נעוריו.


arik ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMLs_0XgC5I&tracker=False
orig ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZNEBp2_x0Y&tracker=False

achen, hadma'ot bikshu et chava alberstein

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

a-malek

But the Romans had not reckoned with the sun.
Each morning it rose, brighter and hotter than the day before.


manto.

Yet, she had wanted him - of that he was certain.

In his life he had known dutifulness, remote yearnings, but never, until that afternoon, the full awakening of passion and a gratification which had left him fulfilled yet still avid. Meantime, fragments of epigram and doctrine, the splinters of the hard old morality of his youth pricked at his fevered conscience.
-----------
Then in the fierceness of his need, there came to him from the vanished yesterdays of his youth verses instinct with an understanding softer than the sharp-lined wisdom of the Greeks. And never had he wanted so desperately to believe as in this hour when she leaned upon a faith he did not possess.

Holding her to himself he spoke of the gentle Shepherd Who leads men beside still waters causing them to walk unhurt through the valley of the shadow, Who cannot be fled, not in the grave, not even if one were to take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea.

She listened and like a child, insatiable of some marvelous tale and reluctant of slumber, asked for more.

My heart is not haughty he quoted nor mine eyes lofty. Neither do I exercise myself in things too great, too wonderful for me. Surely I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a child with his mother, like a child is my soul within me.

With that Manto's body sagged in his arms and, after a moment, muffled sobs escaped him.

face

straight black hair with a touch of gray, clear blue eyes, good nose, strong chin, tall, slender, and - Pappas paused in his inventory - most important of all, an intellectual face with just enough of a look of suffering to make it interesting.

yes - he concluded as they left the terrace - I would wager that she will like you.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

haunt my soul, heal

heal rav menachem, hashem.


downupdownupdownupupupupup up
danceup move jump breathe UP
in
I was there, some (much) how

bless you, m, for sharing this in bits

Thursday, February 3, 2011

soothe

me.

write me a love note to me on my leg about my being light for me and not ever being able to take that away

not even with soap

scrub
me

but memememememememememe

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

ich

ani

me, goddarnit

why are there so many parts, and why are those parts so blessed and light and fractured in this brilliant puzzle way that they fail to f-i-t in any one zone, on any one leg love note in pen


past shabbat of wonder-filled-ful

a list of catch upedness, so as not to forget, but also not misrepresent
the present

thank you for open channels that tighten the closed ones ever more so
thank you for prayer that lightliftshigher and i s o l a t e s
beyond what I -
I
who am I to
even
have a say
?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

g(r)asping

at threads
(as if) (pretending)
beyond my reach

playing
(as if) (seducing)
that
within

my reach

(b)reach

no, truth,

prevail.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

ברוך אתה ה

it was :')

ברוך אתה ה

Monday, January 3, 2011

הוא גיטרה, היא כינור

for normally deleted beauties. missing radioblog with their non-assuming sweet embeds.
alas.

leaves driven, and driven leaves
driven lives
leaf
life
leave.s.
man, it's been winter awhile.

parentheses

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_DTu4xmcWI

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

תָּאִיר כְּאוֹר יוֹם

חֶשְׁכַּת לַיְלָה
incredible how dark it's got to be to see some light. even daylight.
so many chanukah joy and pain filled songs to breathe, hear, sing.


קָרֵב יוֹם אֲשֶׁר הוּא לֹא יוֹם וְלֹֹא לַיְלָה,
רָם הוֹדַע כִּי לְךָ הַיוֹם אַף לְךָ הַלַּיְלָה,
שׁוֹמְרִים הַפְקֵד לְעִירְךָ כָּל הַיוֹם וְכָל הַלַּיְלָה,
תָּאִיר כְּאוֹר יוֹם חֶשְׁכַּת לַיְלָה

חנוכה מואר
truly, deeply
in light(ness)


Monday, November 29, 2010

אלא נסתר

casting away a diamond that was not yet mine. wheat, sustenance, it needs to be earned in order to feed me
מעיין חיי


בנקיק נסתר בצוקים

איילה שותה מים

מה לי ולה

אלא צוקי ליבי

אלא מעיין חיי

אלא נסתר

איילה מה לי ולה

אלא אהבתי

~ לאה גולדברג

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

.

to understanding.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

days within my walls


כאן בין כל קירות ביתי
שתיקה גדולה
אפורה ומנחמת...

ואין משב סופה
ואין גשם שישטוף
ואין גם צוהר שיבהיל
ואין דבר אשר ישרוף את כל קירות ביתי
הכל הרי מוגן...

ואין כאב שיישאר
כי כל קירות ביתי
הם לובן מנחם
ואין כתמים של דם וחבלות
שריטות בלב...

Sunday, November 14, 2010

אין באמצע...תנני לי ללכת

fall leaves
winter beckons
מי am i
;')



באת אלי את עיניי לפקוח.

Friday, October 22, 2010

היום

טוב,
ליל מנוחה וחלום, כבר מאוחר
ומחר נקום ונראה
איך שמגיע היום בסוף כל לילה.

at 1:00

טוב,
חושך נפל על הרחוב
רק הירח משאיר את אורו הצהוב
צרצר מצרצר צירצורו שר -
לילה טוב...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

תקיעה

just seeing
looking
wide-eyed
happy-eyed
excited to be draft 2/14/08

דום

לשון המתנה
but don't rush, really. im in no rush.

דם
לדום

אהיה