Tuesday, December 7, 2010

תָּאִיר כְּאוֹר יוֹם

חֶשְׁכַּת לַיְלָה
incredible how dark it's got to be to see some light. even daylight.
so many chanukah joy and pain filled songs to breathe, hear, sing.


קָרֵב יוֹם אֲשֶׁר הוּא לֹא יוֹם וְלֹֹא לַיְלָה,
רָם הוֹדַע כִּי לְךָ הַיוֹם אַף לְךָ הַלַּיְלָה,
שׁוֹמְרִים הַפְקֵד לְעִירְךָ כָּל הַיוֹם וְכָל הַלַּיְלָה,
תָּאִיר כְּאוֹר יוֹם חֶשְׁכַּת לַיְלָה

חנוכה מואר
truly, deeply
in light(ness)


Monday, November 29, 2010

אלא נסתר

casting away a diamond that was not yet mine. wheat, sustenance, it needs to be earned in order to feed me
מעיין חיי


בנקיק נסתר בצוקים

איילה שותה מים

מה לי ולה

אלא צוקי ליבי

אלא מעיין חיי

אלא נסתר

איילה מה לי ולה

אלא אהבתי

~ לאה גולדברג

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

.

to understanding.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

days within my walls


כאן בין כל קירות ביתי
שתיקה גדולה
אפורה ומנחמת...

ואין משב סופה
ואין גשם שישטוף
ואין גם צוהר שיבהיל
ואין דבר אשר ישרוף את כל קירות ביתי
הכל הרי מוגן...

ואין כאב שיישאר
כי כל קירות ביתי
הם לובן מנחם
ואין כתמים של דם וחבלות
שריטות בלב...

Sunday, November 14, 2010

אין באמצע...תנני לי ללכת

fall leaves
winter beckons
מי am i
;')



באת אלי את עיניי לפקוח.

Friday, October 22, 2010

היום

טוב,
ליל מנוחה וחלום, כבר מאוחר
ומחר נקום ונראה
איך שמגיע היום בסוף כל לילה.

at 1:00

טוב,
חושך נפל על הרחוב
רק הירח משאיר את אורו הצהוב
צרצר מצרצר צירצורו שר -
לילה טוב...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

תקיעה

just seeing
looking
wide-eyed
happy-eyed
excited to be draft 2/14/08

דום

לשון המתנה
but don't rush, really. im in no rush.

דם
לדום

אהיה

Saturday, September 4, 2010

?התשמע קולי



קול קורא בעוז קול בוכה בדמי

באהבה, בעוז, בשמחה
open eyes, looking forward
c

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"חשכה בתורה"

חשכה בבכי

Monday, August 9, 2010

at midai basechel


Bob Dylan - Let Me Die In My Footsteps .mp3


Found at bee mp3 search engine

mah zeh hadavar hazeh, ani mitgaagat layeshiva
mitgaagat, mitahevet, mitalev, mitbalbelet, mitlabetet, mitgaagat
me'od
taasi shchuna

Monday, July 12, 2010

a serene day

of summer of white, plains high, lines world, cups and healthyish, mathematical talk that reminded my soul of imaginative other dimensions. truer, closer ones. plus surprise spontaneous hugs from precious sisters. thankful and thank you and im sorry, forgive me, please, please forgive me

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Holy Chattan

and kallah. this feels surreal. bentch you...only tov upon you(r) love, wow, achi

Sunday, July 4, 2010

levana shleima

The moon is a full half tonight. Beautiful in its seeming incompletion, still sharing its loving light and iluminating the nighttime.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

lone.

some snippets from Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. as if typing each loved letter gives credence to future forgot, ode to future emptiness and only more lone. saying drawn out goodbyes as I return my library books. c

She died calmly, and her countenance expressed affection even in death. I need not describe the feelings of those whose dearest ties are rent by that most irreparable evil, the void that presents itself to the soul, and the despair that is exhibited on the countenance. It is so long before the mind can persuade itself that she whom we saw every day nad whose very existence appeared a part of our own can have departed forever - that the brightness of a beloved eye can have been extinguished and the sound of a voice so familiar and dear to the ear can be hushed, never more to be heared.

A human being in perfection ought always to preserve a calm and peaceful mind and never to allow passion or a transitory desire to disturb his tranquility. I do not thik that the pursuit of knowledge is an exceptions to this rule. If the sutdy to while you apply yourself has a tendency to weaken your affections and to destroy your taste for those simple pleasures in which no alloy can possibly mix, then that study is certainly unlawful, that is to say, not befitting the human mind.

We passed a fortnight in these perambulations; my health and spirits had long been restored, and they gained additional strength from the salubrious air I breathed, the natural incidents of our progress, and the conversation of my friend.

Nothing is more painful to the human mind than, after the feelings have been worked up by a qauick succession of events, the dead calmness of inaction and certainty which follows and deprives the soul both of hope and fear.

We rest; a dream has power to poison sleep.
We rise; one wand'ring thought pollutes the day.
We feel, conceive, or reason; laugh or weep,
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away;
It is the same: for, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free.
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but mutability!

Of what a strange natureu is knowledge! It clings to the mind when it has once seized on it like a lichen on the rock. I wished sometimes to shake off all thought and feeling, but I learned that there was but one means to overcome the sensation of pain, and that was death - a state which I feared yet did not understand.

Cursed, cursed creator! Why did I live? Why, in that instant, did I not extinguish the spark of existence which you had so wantonly bestowed?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Monday, March 29, 2010

creating Freedom

chag tov, einayim sgurim...ze magi'ah...cherut halayla!

In each one of us there is an Egypt and a Pharaoh and a Moses and Freedom in a Promised Land. And every point in time is an opportunity for another Exodus.

Egypt is a place that chains you to who you are, constraining you from growth and change. And Pharaoh is that voice inside that mocks your gambit to escape, saying, "How could you attempt being today something you were not yesterday? Aren't you good enough just as you are? Don't you know who you are?"

Moses is the liberator, the infinite force deep within, an impetuous and all-powerful drive to break out from any bondage, to always transcend, to connect with that which has no bounds.

But Freedom and the Promised Land are not static elements that lie in wait. They are your own achievements which you may create at any moment, in any thing that you do, simply by breaking free from whoever you were the day before...

~tzvi freeman

Sunday, March 28, 2010

emancipate yourself from mental slavery
none but ourselves can free our mind

won't you help to sing
this song of freedom...

b'ezrat hashem

rak TOV TOV TOV

Friday, March 26, 2010

a yud aleph nissan

of truth roaming in the rain
alone
drifting
nowhere

breathing
gut yom tov

Sunday, March 21, 2010

longing for spring

Cultivate the soul with hope; teach it to await the break of dawn with longing eyes. Through its ordeals, the soul is softened to absorb the rains, but spring will only come to those that long for it.

And so the sages say, "In the merit of hope, our parents were redeemed from Egypt."

~tzvi freeman

but really, the truth is to allow time and space to bring new awarenesses to you, to allow what needs to happen to take place, and to long, yes, but also to allow the days and moments to embrace you with everything that they'll slowly, slowly, shwayeh shwayeh, bring...bezrat hashem.

it is so painful. but really, yihye tov. kvar tov, pashut kasheh me'od lirot. tzrichim leha'amin. leha'amin.

Friday, March 19, 2010

sprout and the bean

(though that's another of her songs...)


And we were galloping manic to the mouth of the source...swallowing panic in the face of its force.
And I am blue..

ooh, na na na na na na na na na na na

Now it's done. Watch it go. You've changed some...water run from the snow.
Am I so dear?
Do I run rare?
And you've changed some..
peach, plum, pear

Thursday, March 18, 2010

There's also spring Bliss, not to be confused with spring Pain, though they're awfully similar. 'tis a weird season.

stupid sunshine

It's like I'm angry at the sun and I love the sun, love it's warmth.
it makes no sense at all...

ILLE HIC EST RAPHAEL

TIMUIT QUO SOSPITE VINCI RERUM MAGNA PARENS ET MORIENTE MORI.


Here lies that Raphael, by whom in life, the great begetter of things feared lest she be overcome,
And at whose death Nature herself feared lest she die with him.

Epitaph of Raphael


(and el)

sun with empty air

In the early darkness of Greek winter afternoons, in rooms cold at the windows, I raise my hands to my face and smell Alex in my palms.
I long for memory to be spirit, but fear it is only skin. I fear that knowledge becomes instinct only to disappear with the body. For it is my body that remembers them, and though I have tried to erase Alex from my senses, tried to will my parents and Bella from my sleep, this will amounts to nothing, for my body betrays me in a second. I have lived many years without them. Yet it's the same winter afternoon that draws Bella close, so close I can feel her powerful hand on my own, feel her gentle fingers on my back, so close I can smell Mrs. Alperstein's lotion, so close I feel my father's hand and Athos's hand on my head and my mother's hands pulling down my jacket to straighten me out, so close I can feel Alex's arms reaching around me from behind, and upon me her maddeningly open eyes even as she disappears into sensation, and suddenly I'm afraid, and turn around in empty rooms.
~Anne Michaels

these days, these hours
even the re-awakened smell of eucalyptus and soup and spring refuse to soothe
me

Saturday, March 13, 2010

also

ur heart is a moon
a full one. a big fat white orange of a heart, moon.

(12.2.09. emails.)

Friday, March 5, 2010

can you feel the wind

Can you feel the sigh of shabbos...

Can you feel the sighs of the six days of the week making place
for the sigh of shabbos

lecha dodi likrat kallah, pnei shabbat nekablah

hitoreri


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

breaths

but then אסתר שמיר sings to us.

and then things aren't better, but they're just, well, they just are. they continue to be. and with them, we.

בת של אבא

Monday, January 4, 2010

Baraka Bashad…

…May the Blessings BE!!!
i'm gonna be your friend