...well, then he wanted at least to savor his loneliness and sadness and feel really miserable. - - - - - -
He understood that this had to be, that he must relinquish his dearest and best and purest possession, and see it die.
It's very simple. Dogs and cats and other talented animals have tails; their tails, with their thousands of flourishes, provide them with a wonderfully complete language of arabesques, not only for what they think and feel and suffer but for every mood and vibration of their being, for every infinitesimal variation in their feeling tone. We have no tails, and since the more lively among us need some such form of expression, we make ourselves paintbrushes and pianos and violins...
And sometimes there are birds that have come a long long way from strange islands; they are very tired, they sit down on the deck and they're very much surprised to see so many strange people riding around on the ocean. They would like to understand us too, adn ask us where we come from and what our names are, but they can't so we just look into each other's eyes and nod our heads, and when the bird has had a good rest, he shakes himself and flies off across the ocean.
Once he muttered absently, "One might paint all that."
And when old people get older and older, they die in the end. I'd rather stay the way I am, and sometimes I'd like to be able to fly, and fly around the trees way up high, and in between the clouds. then I'd laugh at everybody.
~ ~ ~
I'd like to do entirely different things. I'd like to understand what the robins say to each other. And I'd like to see how the trees manage to drink water with their roots and get to be so big. I don't think anybody really knows that. The teacher knows a lot, but only boring things.
Some people have a sixth sense, and some are duds at it. I believe I must have it, because the moment I stepped into the house I felt a trembling along my skin, a traveling current that moved up my spine, down my arms, pulsing out from my fingertips. I was practically radiating. The body knows things a long time before the mind catches up to them. I was wondering what my body knew that I didn't.
- - -
It was the in-between time, before day leaves and night comes, a time I've never been partial to because of the sadness that lingers in the space between going and coming.
Yes, you are, because as long as people have been on this earth, the moon has been a mystery to us. Think about it. She is strong enough to pull the oceans, and when she dies away, she always comes back again. My mama used to tell me Our Lady lived on the moon and that I should dance when her face was bright and hibernate when it was dark.
There's a fullness of time for things, Lily. You have to know when to prod and when to be quiet, when to let things take their course.
It was like I was wearing a pair of gloves with magic properties. Like I could preserve whatever I touched.
When you're unsure of yourself, she said, when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she's the one inside saying - get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are, - she's the power inside you, you understand?
She's a year younger than me. I always picture her like is in the photograph in his office, holding hish hand, jumping a wave. I keep my mother's things on a special shelf in my room, and I let Becca look at them but not touch. One day I will let her pick them up, since it seems that's what a girlfriend would do. the feeling that they are holy objects is already starting to wear off. Before long I'll be handing Becca my mother's brush, saying - here, you wanna brush your hair with this -- you wanna wear this whale pin?