dangling dialogue

-- How is your French? he asked
- Pretty good.
-- Read L'Homme Revolte by Camus. It came out last year. You can get it in French.
- We are reading the same books, I said. Then I said, Not everyone who resorts to violence is a fool. Remember the story of Abraham lopping off the heads of the idols.
-- Yes, he said. I can understand violence if a person makes a rational decision that his world is utterly evil and irredeemable and that nothing in it is worth saving.
- Not many people can make a decision like that rationally.
-- They ought to read some good books.
- Marx read a lot of good books.
-- Marx was full of rage. Books don't do much good when you're that full of rage.
- We're all full of rage. That's something I've begun to think about these days. Who isn't full of rage?
-- Yes. But most people manage in one way or another to handle it.
- Why are people so full of rage? How would your friend Freud answer that?
-- With a lecture on sex and repression, and by drawing you a model of the id, ego, and superego.
- Would it help?
-- To some extent. It would begin to teach you how to become aware of yourself. That's what the soul is, I think. Self-awareness.
- The soul.
-- The crust is self-delusion. The soul is self-awareness.
-And if you're rebelling and are full of rage and don't have that self-awareness - what then?

-- You become a Marx..

outside it all, watching

Levi came over and asked me to join him in a dance. I got up and entered a circle of Hasidim with Levi at my side, and danced.

We danced around Danny, who stood clapping his hands and singing, and I looked at Danny and felt a part of myself slide out of the dance and look coldly at what I was doing, and heard it telling me how strange it was to be dancing with Hasidim, whose way of life I disliked, whose ideas were so different from mine, whose presence was destroying my world, I continued dancing, but for the rest of that night that part of me remained outside it all, watching.

-- familiarities on so many different levels. so many.
The most awesome is to slide out of the sliding out, and just be there.

in this moment

I feel freee

to breathe

and fly

How incredible to see the tangle in all and still experience the faith of just
this moment.

:') blesss blesss blesss

I feel

like it's irrational
and dangerous.
And why would I jump off a mountain; why would I free fall over what from here looks like a rocky ocean of endless dark blue...
Why would I leap off this jet and into the clouds without knowing clearly what lies below?
Why would I carry any of this out, when I suddenly, finally, feel a comforting sun surrounding me, soothing me, appeasing me, warming me,
right
here
where I am?

Why?

you will be eased

resolve
and fears
and commitments
and studiosity
and specialness
and dark light offices
and unfiltered filters of computers
and noise
noise
and then quiet
and ease
eased.

ììììĬìììì

oooooooh, it's a 'appy 'anookah for me, and, me hopes, thee. :')

Donna

sung by Joan Baez

how the winds are laughing...
But whoever treasures freedom,
Like the swallow has learned to fly..

Full version on youtube, but there's a precious melancholy about this live one..tx d for inspiration
c

I found myself intrigued by those books. They were written in a clear and on occasion almost exquisite prose style, the kind of style one rarely finds in works of philosophy and theology. And they were filled with blunt questions: Do you believe the world was created in six days? Do you believe in the order of creation given in the Bible? Do you believe Eve was created from Adam's rib? Do you believe in angels? Do you believe in the biblical account of the Revelation at Sinai? Do you believe in miracles? Do you believe that G-d guides the destiny of every living creatures? Do you believe that G-d talked, actually talked in the manner described in the Bible? How is one to react to the findings of archeology and anthropology and biology and astronomy and physics? How is one to react to the discoveries of modern biblical scholarship? How might one not believe literally in the Bible and still remain a traditional Jew? Are total belief or complete abandonment the only available choices, or is it possible to reinterpret ancient beliefs in a way that will make them relevant to the modern world and at the same time not cause one to abandon the tradition?

The problems he raised fascinated me.

They didn't fascinate me, though. They cast a calm and a frenzy over me. They cast a calm and a frenzy over me. over me.. in me.

got to go

I don't know where but I've got to got to go there, got to go there.
so high..


so low..
I don't know where but I've got to, got to go there

let it be soul

that we can't be convinced,
that we must hear it resonate within us, to the point that we can't deny it.
that we must simply learn it,
that by recognizing the profundity of each chapter, of each event... by recognizing the depth of each word we simply won't be able to deny it.

now I don't know if that's true. I don't know if I agree with the impossibility to deny it on such grounds.
but it was so incredible to hear as I was taking my seat. because it really was so heavy on my mind.

on loneliness, on Jacob's struggle which took place at night, of our journey through the darkness, of the unity of kindled spirits..
oh, let it be soul, let it be soul

Cain and Abel

Abel will open his eyes..

in me.

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come to
mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says,
"There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight, that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side.
She is just as able to bear her load
of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"There, she is gone!"
there are other eyes watching her coming
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

—Henry van Dyke

the leaves of the Sycamores

Then there were the twilight weeks, a length of gray time between October and December when the weave formed in the summer seemed to come apart...

The patterns of our lives were being spun out in different worlds, and as the sycamores turned and the air grew cold the summer became a distant dream, and I could recall it sharply only in the very early mornings as I lay in my bed, no longer asleep but not yet fully awake.

At odd moments of the day... a disconnected piece of the summer would float slowly toward me and expand into dim memory... but the strange conjunction of events that had begun with the carnival appeared disentangled now, and the summer faded together with the leaves of the sycamores.

faded...faded

cocoon

it's a dark cocoon of confusion, i told her. it's cold and bare, but sometimes you don't have the liberty to choose a warm one, and anything that will wrap you up is better than being left out on a branch in winter.
shavuah tov means another shavuah :'(

he talked

Can you feel the sun, Reuven? Can you feel how hot it is? Did you know Giordano Bruno was burned alive in Rome in 1600 for writing that the stars were suns? Did you know the gases in the interior of the sun are more than ten million degrees Kelvin? That's hot. They burned him alive because he wrote that the were suns. I wonder what it's like to be burned alive. Fire on your feet and around your legs and the pain as the fire creeps up. When do you die when you're burned alive? I think about that sometimes. They cheated Bruno. They killed him for the truth. But he didn't cheat. He wrote the truth. You have to get killed sometimes but you can't cheat. The cheating never hurts the stars but your eyes get clouded. I really believe that. Your eyes get clouded and you can't see through the telescope, any kind of telescope. There are different kinds of telescopes. Did you know that? There are refracting telescopes and reflecting telescopes and there's the Schmidt telescope. I read about them in a book. Refracting telescopes are okay but you have to watch out for chromatic aberration. Reflecting telescopes don't have that problem. But they have other problems, lots of other different problems. God, listen to me talking. I can't stop talking. Why can't I stop talking? What was I saying? Problems. The Schmidt telescope has problems too. Everything has problems. There's nothing anywhere without problems. There's no one without problems. Look at the clouds. They're beautiful. God, they're beautiful. There's one that looks like someone burning. Yes. Someone is burning. Who doesn't have problems?

We sailed and he talked and then we were near the shoreline and he talked and I could make out clearly the trees and the boulders and summer homes and people on the lawns and a deer at the edge of the woods and still he talked. Then, quite suddenly, he was silent. We sailed in that silence the rest of the way to the dock.

----beep

hey, yknow what's so cool about answering machines? that no matter what mood you're in right now, on here you always sound so mellow and cheery, like - yourself. anyway, call me back.

my little box

s: [nice things plus '!, !' ]
me: I will pack those exclamation points up into a little box and carry them around with me.
s: [nice things]
me: that's positive. I will pack that into my little box as well.
s: and watch as the little box grows.

tx. I is will watch. :')

see the image of G-d

How you treat others is how G-d treats you. How you forgive them is how He forgives you. How you see them is how He sees you.

When you show empathy for the plight of another human being, G-d takes empathy in your plight.

When others slight you and you ignore the call to vengeance that burns inside, G-d erases all memory of your failures toward Him. When you see the image of G-d in another human being, then the image of G-d becomes revealed within you. (tzvi freeman, daily dosage)

The Ghost of Corporate Future.

People are just people, they shouldn't make you nervous.
People are just people, are just people
like
you. :')

yes.

A father can bring up a child any way he wishes, he said softly. What a price to pay for a soul.

Open quote. Human beings do not live forever, Reuven. We live less that the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity. So it may be asked what value is there to a human life. There is so much pain in the world. What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye?

I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignifcant. Do you understand what I am saying? A man must fill his life with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life. It is hard work to fill one's life with meaning. That I do not think you understand yet. A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest. I want to be worthy of rest when I am no longer here. Do you understand what I am saying? End quote.

time will tell

Sometimes it tells loudly,
sometimes it whispers.

שלמה ארצי - Drunk and Happy

:-p

drunk and Happy.

drunk and Happy. happy. happy. Drunk. and happy.
:'(

in der Luft

Zol Zayn by Chava Alberstein

Demanding more.

I will give an answer from the realm of physics. Once, when I was a nice, honest young man, I was interested in that field. There is something in physics - you have a certain amount of pressure on something, and there is a point at which it can take no more. When you put then times, on hundred times taht pressure on it, something happens. The molecules collapse, and the very nature of the object changes.

In astronomy, you have what is called "white dwarves." These are small stars, the size of the earth, sometimes even smaller. The mass they contain is many times that of the sun. Each cubic centimeter weighs many tons. Why? Because the matter collapsed and became something else; the laws themselves changed.

Elie Weisel

But during one of our conversations, I did ask a question about the Holocaust. I asked, "What did you learn from your Holocaust experience?"

Two things, he replied. The first thing he learned is not to delay when fighting evil. "Fight evil immediately, " he said. "Don't wait. Don't try to convince yourself that it's going to get better."

And the second thing he learned was this: "Don't let other people tell you what you questions should be. Don't let other people's questions become your questions."

I asked him to explain, and he said, "For example, if somebody says to you, 'Why do you wear that beard?' don't feel that you have an obligation to answer that question. It may not be your question. It's somebody else's question. You don't have to justify yourself to others. Don't let other people's questions become your questions. Don't let others force their questions on you."

~Arthur Kurzweil in On the Road with RS

I love the light in Jerusalem.

And I'm not speaking mystically.

The Jewish approach to life considers the man who has stopped going - he who has a feeling of completion, of peace, of a great light from above that has brought him to rest - to be someone who has lost his way...

He whose search has reached a certain level feels that he is in the palace of the King. He goes from room to room, from hall to hall, seeking Him out. However, the king's palace is an endless series of worlds, and as a man proceeds in his search from room to room, he holds only the end of the string. It is, nevertheless, a continuous going, a going after G-d, a going to G-d, day after day, year after year.

~The Thirteen Petalled Rose

marja wanna

"The issue is who is the master and who is the slave. If you are the master, fine. If you are the slave, then you are in trouble no matter what you're the slave of, whether it be coffee, exercise, or Torah study.

So you have to ask yourself, 'Who is the master and who is the slave?' "

familiali ties

Evidently, the ordinary definitions of a religion or a nation do not fit the Jews. Nevertheless, when the Jews are seen as an enlarged family or clan, their essence and way of life become aspects of the relationship of Jews as individuals to their family. The religion and faith are part of the rational and emotional tie between "children" and their father. The patterns of behavior and of life are the family way of the ancestors, and the national connection is only an extension of this family bond. It is a family that grew over the generations until it became a nation and yet remained in essence a family.

This is perhaps the unique quality of the Jewish connection. Sociologically, the family is the elemental unit of humanity. It is in many ways the most primal and primitive of social bonds, in contrast to national loyalty and belonging to a religious community, relatively modern and sophisticated connections. National, cultural, and religious ties are rational and conscious.

Family ties, however, are obscure and profound and far more difficult to articulate. But it is this very depth of experience that may have secured Jewish existence. It may be seen as a primitive and emotionally charged quality in the human soul, and not to be explained. It is, nevertheless, inexorably real and enduring.
~We Jews by Adin Steinsaltz

joyous Resolve!

1. to seek truth
2. with respect
3. and to keep tally

with His warm, loving guidance

Trust, not faith.

People ask, "How can I have confidence in G–d? Confidence that He will take care of me, that everything will work out for the best? Perhaps I don’t deserve the best. Perhaps I’ve already messed up so bad He no longer cares about me?"

These people have trust in G–d all mixed up.

Trust is not faith. Faith is something you may or may not have. But trust is something you do. Hard.

Trust is when you are dragged by the currents of a mighty river and you cling with all your might to a rock you trust will not move. Trust is when, in times of trouble, you cleave so unshakably to the heavens that you pull them down to earth.

Trust is a mighty and heroic bonding of love. And as with all love, it is reflected in the heart of the beloved. You bond with the Eternal Rock above, and the Above bonds with you. Then you are a fit vessel for all kinds of good.

Trust changes who you are. It changes your whole world. And it is available to anybody, at any moment, no matter who they were the moment before.

Prayer

While within the prophetic community G-d takes the initiative - He speaks and man listens - in the prayer community the initiative belongs to man: he does the speaking and G-d, the listening. The word of prophecy is G-d's and is accepted by man. The word of prayer is man's and G-d accepts it.

beyond shock

is illiteracy despite a brain.

dream, dream, dream

O ff balance

Often, anxiety takes root because a person’s external character is incompatible with his or her inner self. The anxiety may dwell upon other issues and obsessions—but none of these are the true underlying cause.

Most souls can tolerate a few inconsistencies. But others are sensitive to every nuance. As soon as some aspect of their lifestyle is not attuned to the purity of the essential self, the entire person is thrown off balance.

punctuate.

that that is is that that is not is not is that it it is

"They say, Charly, true love, is letting go."

hakol tov v'yafeh~

dodi li

One of the names of Elul is that it is called the month of Harachamim. Rachamim can loosely be translated as compassion or mercy. The root of rachamim is rechem, which means “womb.”

The concept of a womb is that of being able to make a space inside ourselves for another. Completely removing our ego, our opinion, our thoughts, ourselves, to give room, space and a place for another to enter and feel comfortable and connected.

Create the space to forgive... the blessings will rain down

~birth day bless, one year stronger.

on your own

pinh o les

No matter how much you distrust your own sincerity or question your motives, there is no trace of doubt that at your core lives a G-dly soul, pure and sincere.

You provide the actions and the deed. She needs no more than a pinhole through which to break out and fill those deeds with Divine power.

Tzvi Freeman

didn't see you for a while

The wonderful man who just stopped by to swap the plastic bag in the rubbish can said to me.

yea, I was away.

sometimes you just gotta relax.

yea.

sometimes you also gotta relax your soul. relax your soul. relax your soul.

My Invisible Trip to Baltimore

This is me.

Here is my light.

This is my joy.

This is our pain.

This is us dancing.

This is my state
of mind.

Barely there, but touching, touching just enough to feel the hurt and to bask in the glow of the fading part of our mountainous moon.

19 Av 5768. It's one year stronger. Rest, Toby, v' zechutech yagen al kol yisrael.

in the Wind

I just wanted you to know that I'm a Jew.

This is my country.
-I do know. I understand.
-Sometimes it's not that easy.
-It's the easiest thing in the world, Ari.
 All these differences between people are made up.
 People are the same, no matter what they're called.
-Don't ever believe it.
 People are different.
 They have a right to be different. They like to be different.
 It's no good pretending the differences don't exist, they do.
 They have to be recognized and respected.

Being not that.

Be simple. In whatever you do, in whatever form you take, in whatever you decide you are, retain memory that you are not that.

flowers, curly hair, and stars

It's so crazy how a person could be [like] a drug.

Nowhere to go, no one to turn,
to.

deferred. Defiant.

The battle rests.
And I cover my face with both hands and I laugh
and I laugh

and I laugh.

I'm soaking it up. The disappointment, the stupid-parade. So I let the tune carry me away... please G-d, find someone who... the silky harmonies enwrap my now cold shoulders, and the deep pit inside my chest feels pricked. And I bow my head forward, and then bring it up, and my eyes look straight ahead
at this screen
at these words, as they're coming up letter by l e t t e r
and theletterscomeatmequickly so I defer this composition.

I defer it until tomorrow.
I defer it all until this utter hilarity allows me to cry

until then
crylaugh nightday

Getting back.

to tears.

quietude

"There's a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in..." Leonard Cohen

Yud Gimmel Tammuz.

Release of all sorts.
http://video.on.nytimes.com/?fr_story=fd29f832301c39b513e868021acb32e80a26d881

rabbi nachman said to scream

speak of me as i am

Of one that lov'd not wisely but too well
~Othello

Days of Sun

I'm standing here. I'm holding my chin and rubbing my eyes.

I'm crying. Tears.

She stands one foot and a few inches behind me, to my left. She's crying, too. Tears, I think. Not sure, though.

It's me, and it's her, and it's as if we are strangers to one another. The fact that we rode here to the cemetery together doesn't change that. Nor does the fact that we will ride away together and get out at the same spot and that I'll be the one chopping up a salad to go with the fish she's marinating for dinner. None of it changes anything.

The girl in front of me is standing next to an older version of herself, and her hand slowly reaches up to rub the woman's back. Her mother leans in and tucks her head into the curve of her daughter's shoulder. Sobbing, holding, clinging to one another.

And I sob, and I sob, and I hold my head in my hands, and I spot my cousin whom I haven't seen in months, and collapse into her arms.

I hate it. I hate this. I hate that I'm here.

I hate that we aren't.

Sun day.

Too many words to describe something that doesn't even exist. ~

A d m a t a i.

out in the streets, they call it murder

pivotal.

Now, I pray every night that my children should grow up to a
Torah life,
Jewish marriage,
and good deeds. CBJordan

~blessings

and, so, too-face, also, though, but-book

it's in the title of my blog too.

if you've never noticed

;)

it's a little joke...e

but it has a lot of connotations

about the sillinesses and stupidities and just small tiny nuances-

that make up everything we are.

yknow?

Leave your thoughts.

in Side out

It has shown me...
...that everything is illuminated in the light of the past.
It is always along the side of us...
...on the inside, looking out.

Like you say, inside out.



(start wearing purple, wearing purple.. :'D)

. 

in Case

Why did she bury it?
I do not know.
Ask him.
She wants to know why Augustine buried her wedding ring...
...when she thought she would be killed.
So there'd be proof that she existed?
To remember her.
No. I don't think so.
In case...
In case someone should come searching one day.
So they would have something to find.
No, it does not exist for you.
You exist for it.
You have come because it exists.

capitalization punctuation

Have a cocoa bar.

...the color of this blog changes as I scroll down...up here, it's so misrepresentin.

The white changes. It goes from reddish bluish to greenish purplish to a warm
yellow

Bless the yellow :')

cab(s) for a Heart Squeeze

by death cab(s) for cuties.

to strength.

lift your head

Whenever a G-dly act is performed, all involved are elevated beyond time.
Save a life--you are Noah saving the entire world. Feed weary travelers--they are the angels coming to visit Abraham and Sarah. And Abraham and Sarah are hosting them with you. In fact, all those who had truth in their lives are here with us today.

It is only that we are so much a part of this river of time, we cannot lift our heads to see above it.

Only when the falseness of the world will be ripped away and all is elevated to a place of truth, then we shall all see each other, together once again.

Many are my thoughts.*

But as G-d says: Rabot Machshavot B'lev Ish, V'atzat Hashem Hee Takum. Many are the thoughts in the heart of man, and G-d’s counsel is: Get up.

*but not mine. stolen. without permission, even. = (

life, life

it's worth living just to experience the doubt which makes it feel so real.
~ chan a

you're a Warrior

A warrior of the light always does something out of the ordinary. He may dance in the street as he walks to work. Or look into the eyes of a stranger and speak of love at first sight. From time to time, a warrior puts forward an idea which may sound ridiculous, but which he believes in.

The warriors of the light allow themselves such days.

Imitative S h a d o w s

Jerusalem...where the reality of the everyday brushes against the eternal without our being able to separate them.
~We Jews, Author's Introduction

The notion that the Jew has stolen the national self, the "I" of a host people. It is as though the shadow not only imitates the movements of the master; he does is so well that the master begins to feel that he himself is becoming a shadow. Ironically, he becomes the shadow of a figure that is only an imitation of him.

con-sid-er-a-tion

thoughtfulness

I Will Be Light

it's not about you...
you've got one tiny moment in time for life to shine.
be light.

Kol Galgal

A day, a day, a night, a day

tomorrow, yesterday and today are Sunday sometimes.
But all three days and night today was Sunday.
And tomoz is Monday.

'We dedicate this heart that you created from the start, this beating heart will always cling to you.
We dedicate this soul that will never ever ever fall,
this heart and soul always belong to you.' ~Ken Burgess

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
~Robert Frost

The Philosophers' Dinner

sixteen people, eight formal courses, six philosophical proofs, one very cool evening.

Seating and Introduction
An aperitif with French mint candies. (aperitifS)

Design
Several offerings of fresh breads and chi chi spreads.

First Cause
Sushi, saki, and a pate. Foods that end in vowels mostly.

Moral
Mango, Cranberry, Dates of Palm, and Letuces.
Green is good, other colors are important too.

Ontological
A duality of Peach-Cinnamon Soup (coooold soup!)

Psychological
Crown Racks of Lamb with blueberry dressing, (stuffing plus cranberries...)
Summer Venison Stew (bambi :'( ), seved with Guinness and Merlot.

Pascal's Wager
Chocolate and Carrot Cakes, Bowl o' Cherries. (nope, no cherries.)

Close
Ports, Cigars, Fresh Coffees or Teas

We need to live

http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk/2008/06/this_latest_award_i_dedicate_t.html#more
oh may G-d bless you Adrian... your life shines, and it will keep shining
always.

One book to my desert? A good book. Shavuot. Shavuot. Shavuot.

I feel like posting the day and date every day and date. Like, today is Wednesday, June 11th.

Point is, I would take a lil medium sized large pocket Torah. I really would.
It was Shavuot in two-thousand-and-eight. or rather in five-thousand-seven-hundred-and-fifty-eight since Adam came to be. And I became me on that day, too. cuz I chose a good book, I think.

G-d.

Wondrous Night of Rain

d r i p d r o p d r o p d r o p
dr ip dr op dri p drop dripdrip dropdripdripdrop
dropdripdripdropdripdripdripdripdropdrop
DROPDRIPPOUNDINGDROPDROPRAINRAINDRIPPOURDROP
lai lai where am I
if not barefoot
dancing
outside on the rough pavement of the middle of my
road.

cuz it's Shabbos!

and this is my erev shabbos song.

fat kids hiding sandwiches in their socks

Ohhh, the spontaneity of this wonderful life. smoke pray fish. eat travel watch.
tu vivi!

Fire!

to have sung and danced under the stars sipping, flowing, through the fire, bongo, guitar, toasts to Shamayim,
in midtown Manhattan.

oh...deja vu of clear nights

chag sameach!

you infiltrated my music diary

You stole everything. My heart, my music, my music. Not just one or two artists; every single melody, intro and bridge, is you. So I turn off shuffle and change my album selection on I-tunes and I wait for solace to kick in. My music. And all I hear is you.

bang bang Choo-Choo

I'm not a girl who misses much; I just wanted to meditate and clear my mind, but they screamed that I needed a fix or I'd go down. I knew that they were lying with their eyes but it was as if they were pulsing with warm blood, down, down, with no life, no love, no pen, no gun, like a lizard on a window pane. No warm blood shall flow through me! -I fought. I gasped- Happiness- they screaaaamed louder and louder, they threatened and yelled and protested- is a warm gun... And they swore at me, begging me to succumb, until I couldn't take it anymore, so I ripped the warm gun out of their happy hands and I shot Mother Superior down (down to the bits that I left uptown). Bang, bang, shoot, shoot; doodododododoo.

last night's dreams

If we pay close attention
we will come to realize that
no day is the same as another.
Every morning brings
with it a hidden blessing.
(Unpublished)

"...b'chlal darf men zehn az der morgen zol zain ah sach shener vi der haint.."

hehe, mmm.. sleep tight

to night's a downer

be my witness..

'nacht

it was so weird how I killed Peggy.

cuz he was the middle of walking around the placemat. through rivers and grasses and white mountainous hills.
He was really red; the color practically consumed his whole body, or at least all of it that I was able to see. He won the Battle of the Rubberband, broke free and strode right up, over the wall. He was smart and determined. A fighter, he was.
It was so weird how I killed Peggy because I didn't mean to at all. I moved my glass cup and it was all over.
He stayed with us in the form of a tiny red dot on the white tablecloth.
You did good fighting mate. :( I'm sorry.

Untamed

Love is an untamed force.
When we try to control it, it destroys us.
When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us.
When we try to understand it, it leaves us lost and confused.

fetcha Notha sorta Docta

A powerful monarch called a holy father - everyone said he had healing powers - to help him with his back ache.

- God will help us - said the holy man. - But first let us understand the reason for these pains. I suggest Your Majesty confesses now, for confession makes men face up to their problems, and liberates much guilt.

Annoyed at having to think about so many problems, the king said:

- I do not wish to speak of these matters; I need someone who heals without asking questions.

The priest went off and returned half an hour later with another man.

- I believe that words can relieve pain, and help me to discover the right path to a cure - he said. - But you do not wish to talk, and I cannot help you. This is the man you need: my friend here is a veterinarian, and does not generally speak to his patients.

walk to the park

- Life is like that.
- hmm?
- awkward.

it's silly how in retrospect I cherish those awkward moments. maybe because for me they're so rare.
special times. :')

And-And life goes on, doesn't it

Gillian? Is that right? Is that right?

- Yes.
- It does? It does? Forever and ever?
                 
- No, not forever.
- No-No-No, never forever.
Not quite. Not quite.
                 
But I mean, the point is, life's
not all lamb loin chops, is it?  
                 
But I mean, it goes on, and-and you just
have to keep on going too, don't you?
                 
- I mean, you can't give up, can you?
- Certainly not.

by Jane Gallagher

It’s not me, the smiling bride on the wedding photograph; it’s simply a moment in time, not as it is, but as it was, for a split second. The first strike took him more by surprise than me, the hand with the ring (“a ring has no beginning and no end,” said the priest) that ripped with fearsome anger into my trusting flesh. That day was the beginning of the end: years passed as, battle scarred, I wore my wounds like clothes. But when I saw him with her I knew the end was in sight. In a split second I took him by surprise and watched with cold joy as the rivulets of tear-shaped blood dripped slowly into the red hall carpet, disappearing without a trace. Since they locked me up I have never felt freer; I look at the murderess’s photograph on the front page of today’s newspaper but it’s not me; it captures me not as I am but as I was, for a split second.

Blessed

so tis been a day.
twas a Josh Radin day...
twas a discoverin day, and not even all positive. mm.


I danced by the water tonight and someone else noticed the moon before me.
listen to Today. by Joshua Radin.
"Here comes the sun.. it's baiting morn today..."

ext roardinary.

All I want is to be extraordinary.

nothing.

Neither of us has anything to tell. I, because I conceal nothing, and you, because you communicate nothing.

dance in the Moonlight

but what does one do when his heart is so full of abounding joy
so full!
spilling over, flowing
in the moon kissed shadow of the winter trees

dance
just dance in the moonlight
with me

and my heart expands
and breath comes short as I lay in this night beneath the gold stars
which threaten to fall upon me all at once unless I
sleep
sleep

and I struggle as one of them bursts of fire making its crashing way down at me

and while it dares to rip
out this day
declare it as past
I squeeze my eyes shut in the blinding golden light and I swear that I will never end today

gutteh nacht.
to another quarter century of beautiful life, and another...and another

White space.

so here's something cool I did:
Took a random sheet of paper out of me bag whilst on the train this thursday.
The random sheet of paper was the last page of a whole bunch of notes that my psych professor had emailed me to help in studying for the exam she was giving.
The words were in a typewriter font; they formed a pretty shape on the page; a sweet square on this white eight-and-a-half by eleven.
I folded the empty white space on the bottom to equalize the margins.
These are the words I was looking at:

SECOND AND THIRD TRIMESTERS- HIGHER THAN normal death rate in the first weeks of life

-continued to climb until age 3 months

-lower rates of resistence- succumbed to local infections

-if they survived to one year, risk was over.

AGE 19- all boys called to draft. Measurements taken

Height showed usual SES factors- re family size and diet

-manual workers an inch shorter than sons of wealthier men

- chldrn from large families shorter

-later born shorter than first borns

EG kids with <>

But at age 19, postnatal nutrition was > important than prenatal nutrition in those up for the draft

Tests of mental function followed SES lines and not those related to prenatal nutrition

(but remember testing only survivors and those competent for draft)

Those who didn't make it to the draft -]

Fetus starved in the first trimester

-2X > likely to have spinal bifida -spine fails to close properly) and hydrocephalus

- lack of folic acid

Female Babies who were starved in the famine tended to have lighter BW babies themselves

(first trimester starvation) These starved babies were born normal BW yet had lighter babies

Those starved in 3^rd trimester were lighter BW yet had normal BW babies

The effect on first trimester carries over to next generation

Choice made by nature

-early starvation takes from the mother rather than the child

-as starvation continues, mother and child share the brunt of starvation

-prolonged starvation acts to sacrifice the child because if mother dies, so will child

I challenged myself kacha: Write a poem using whichever of these arbitrary words I choose, sticking to the order in which they appear on the page. The poem has to have a consistent mood and be somewhat meaningful.
T'was cool. Try it if ya want. Try it with these words so I can see. with my eyes. show me. tx. :')
Here's what I wrote.

Second, third- higher!
Death in the first weeks of life.
Continue to climb, lower resistance,
Succumb, survive.

Risk takers, manual workers
Short sons of men-
Test of manual function follow those,
Those, who didn't make it over.

Choice, starvation
Mother and child share the brunt of sacrifice,
Because,
if mother dies, so will child.

Origin(al) Ounce of Truth

Original sin was not the apple that Eve ate, it was her belief that Adam needed to share precisely the thing she had tasted.

He said something like:
"In all the languages in the world, there is the same proverb: 'What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't grieve over.' Well, I say that there isn't an ounce of truth in it. The further off they are, the closer to the heart are all those feelings that we try to repress and forget. If we're in exile, we want to store away every tiny memory of our roots. If we're far from the person we love, everyone we pass in the street reminds of of them."

familiar Impersonality

It isn't his house. It isn't her house. It isn't Brazil or Switzerland. It's a hotel, which could be anywhere in the world, furnished, like all hotel rooms, in a way that tries to create a familiar atmosphere, but which only makes it seem all the more impersonal.

I type out my posts even when I can find them online and copy and paste them into this compose box.

El-even times

Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly. (PC)

To everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven...

A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace. (Ecclesiastes)

All this is life; all of it.

in Your hand..

Pick one; start from there.
Any single idea properly worked through, methodically, will lead everywhere. ~S

Song:'till the end of time, L-rd of Abraham...I believe by Ron EliRon

and on...and on... and on...

..the wispy, airy, gray smoke
is not even comforting.

I don't understand a God who would let
us meet, if we could never be together.

your body Weeps

- Why do people cry?
- What do you mean?
                 
I mean, what happens physically?
                 
Tear ducts operate on a normal basis
to lubricate and protect the eye.
          
When you have an emotion,
they overact and create tears. 
                 
Why? Why do they overact?
                  
I don't know.

Maybe emotion becomes so intense...
                
...your body just can't contain it.
                
Your mind and your feelings
become too powerful.


                 
and Your body weeps.

:'(

because she Shares...

Discovering Nirvana. OR When a brain scientist suffers a stroke...

Piano dance.

One morning, Nasrudin - the great Sufi mystic who always pretended to be mad - wrapped an egg in a cloth, went into the town’s main square, and called the people who were there.

- Today there will be an important contest! - he said - Whoever discovers what is inside this cloth, will be given the egg inside it!

The people exchanged glances, intrigued, and answered:

- How can we know? No one is capable of divination!

Nasrudin insisted:

- That which is inside this cloth has a yellow center like a yolk, surrounded by a clear liquid like egg white, which in turn is contained inside a shell which breaks very easily. It is a symbol of fertility, and reminds us of birds flying to their nests. So, who can tell me what is hidden here?

All the folk thought Nasrudin was holding an egg, but the answer was so obvious, no one wanted to embarrass themselves in front of everyone else.

What if it wasn’t an egg, but something more important, a product of the fertile Sufi mystic’s imagination? A yellow center might suggest the sun, the surrounding liquid could be an alchemist’s concoction. No, the madman was definitely trying to make someone look a fool.

Nasrudin asked twice more, and no one dared say something foolish.

So he unwrapped the cloth and showed everyone the egg.

- You all knew the answer - he said - And no one dared put it into words.

“Such are the lives of those who haven’t the courage to risk: solutions are generously provided by God, but people always seek complicated explanations, and end up doing nothing.”

go play the piano. with your mouth, and your feet, and closed eyes
and an open heart.
go play and drum piano.. dance
with ur heart

from they I learned

(and learned, and learned,
and continue to learn and to love.)
to be afraid of death.
to stay being me.
to kiss.
to fall backward.
to be funny. and stupid. and real.
to be small.
to love.
to walk a lot.
to play x-box.
to not need to believe.

unfinished lines

It's an incredible thing to see what once was viewed as a void,
not as suddenly filled,
but simply as a beautiful canyon.

Peace upon thine heart.

A king offered a large prize to the artist who could best represent the idea of peace. A lot of painters sent their works to the palace, depicting woods at dusk, quiet rivers, children playing on the sand, rainbows in the sky, drops of dew on a rose petal.

The king examined everything that was sent to him, but ended up choosing only two works.

The first showed a tranquil lake that perfectly mirrored the imposing mountains surrounding it and the blue sky above. The sky was dotted with small white clouds and, if you looked closely, in the left-hand corner of the lake there stood a small house with one window open and smoke rising from the chimney - the sign that a frugal but tasty supper was being prepared.

The second painting was also of mountains, but these were bleak and stony with sharp, sheer peaks. Above the mountains, the sky was implacably dark, and from the heavy clouds fell lightning, hail and torrential rain.

The painting was totally out of harmony with the other submissions. However, a closer look revealed a bird’s nest lodged in a crack in one of those inhospitable rocks. In the midst of the violent roaring of the storm, a swallow was calmly sitting on its nest.

When he gathered his court together, the king chose the second picture as the one that best expressed the idea of peace. He explained:

‘Peace is not what we find in a place that is free of noise, problems and hard work; peace is what allows us to preserve the calm in our hearts, even in the most adverse situations. That is its true and only meaning.'

the Joshua tree

"It doesn't seem right," I told Mom. "We rescued them. Now we're going to kill them."
"We gave them a little extra time on the planet," Mom said. "They should be grateful for that."

It stood in a crease of land where the desert ended and the mountain began, forming a wind tunnel. From the time the Joshua tree was a tiny sapling, it had been so beaten down by the whipping wind that, rather than trying to grow skyward, it had grown in the direction that the wind pushed it. It existed now in a permanent state of windblowlessness, leaning over so far that it seemed ready to topple, although, in fact, its roots held it firmly in place.

I thought the Joshua tree was ugly. It looked scraggly and freakish, permanently stuck in its twisted, tortured position, and it made me think of how some adults tell you not to make weird faces because your features could freeze. Mom, however, thought it was the most beautiful tree she had ever seen. She told us she had to paint it.

While we were in Midland, Mom painted dozens of variations and studies of the Joshua tree. We'd go with her and she'd give us art lessons.

One time I saw a tiny Joshua sapling growing not too far from the old tree. I wanted to dig it up and replant it near our house. I told Mom that I would protect it from the wind and water it every day so that it could grow nice and tall and straight.

Mom frowned at me. "You'd be destroying what makes it special," she said. "It's the Joshua tree's struggle that gives it its beauty."

I wondered if the fire had been out to get me. I wondered if all fire was related, like Dad said all humans were related, if the fire that had burned me that day while I cooked hot dogs was somehow connected to the fire I had flushed down the toilet and the fire burning at the hotel.

I can't get over our moon.

she is so damn beautiful

yellow pinned Met

so I'm happy to see that you're moving here
I'm happy to see you sometimes
and I'm happy to be there occasionally
when you need to clear up your mind.

well I hope I can help you make movements
toward the life that you'd rather yours be
but I hope that I'll stay through this always
not straying from moving to me,

Billy Joel - Piano Man

You haven't heard this song 'till you've seen this video...
~C

laylah tov Kulam

everything is Raw

“Everything is raw material. Everything is relevant. Everything is usable. Everything feeds into my creativity. But without proper preparation, I cannot see it, retain it, and use it.” --Twyla Tharp

More than anything, I hate that I care about the things they say... I hate that I hate that I hate that. and I hate that I hate. and I hate that I hate that I hate that.

the Sociological Imagination

The first fruit of this imagination- and the first lesson of the social science that embodies it- is the idea that the individual can understand his own experience and gauge his own fate only by locating himself within his period, that he can know his own chances in life only by becoming aware of those of all individuals in his circumstances.
C. Wright Mills

This Nacirema bit is great. I actually searched for more info because I read the original article by Horace Miner in blindness on the train yesterday, and was sure something more was up... indeed there was.

Ahhh, and it's not just me who looks back to the train car... :')

Squinting at the Sun on Smiley Days

JSYK, the title of this post went from Squinting at the Sun on Cloudy Days, to Smiling at the Sun on Cloudy Days, to the rightful one it is now. JSYK.

Relaxing my shoulders when I'm walking in the cold,
placing my entire foot down on the cold and wet floor
jumping out of bed at 6 in the morning
being happy at the start of each new day
doing four hundred crunches
teaching
being melodramatic
being mellow
being unreasonably optimistic
acting weird
meditating
smiling with my eyes
saying hello to random people
taking long walks in unfamiliar places
and in familiar places
being truly happy to see someone
seeing every day as bright
seeing every day as drama
seeing every night's moon.
Seeing my life as a continuous, never ending drama, that could at any moment just be
done.

my weltanschanung

is changing,
right along with me

and Mark Anthony's I Need To Know is stuck in my head.

I'd rather be

I surely could.. if I only would

If I could, I would make the settings to this blog have the months of July and August of '07 show up on the top page now, because they are happy months of good emotions and wholesomeness and make me content and dreamy and glad,
light vibe, cheery,
curious,
confused; utterly confused

happy
:')

Clear Night

He didn't believe in much anything. He was a cynic, a bitter guy...
I knew this because I looked. You know these things when you look into someone's eyes. His were a deep blue. And I sang; we sang, through the night, in perfectly crisp winter weather, across one another, on opposite sides of the fire.
And we sang. And made up lyrics.
And sang.
"You missed the last verse," I told him.
"It's obsolete," he said.
I knew. You know these things, when you sing into blue eyes.

Listening for happy news..

Listening for happy news doesn't make the bad stuff stop coming. It doesn't make the bad stuff sound better, or feel better, even a little bit.
It just lets it hit differently.
I don't know if that's better. It's.. a lost train of thought...

oy......rest in peace..
for all of us here
I can't believe I'm writing this..
.
.

Winspringter

Seasonal affect does include this season as well... and that suckkks. Not the weather, no; the disorder, yes, very much so. And the name, too.

after a two hour shut-eye I woke singin..

yes yes yes, paul & art, I knowww :')

Silent irRegularity and Life

He was learning a lot of new things. Some of them were things that he had already experienced, and weren't really new, but that he had never perceived before. And he hadn't perceived them because he had become accustomed to them.
- - - - - - - -
There was a moment of silence so profound that it seemed the city was asleep. No sound from the bazaars, no arguments among the merchants, no men climbing to the towers to chant.
No hope,
no adventure,
no old kings or Personal Legends,
no treasure, and no Pyramids.
It was as if the world had fallen silent because
the boy's soul had...
- - - - - - - -
"Because I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. (newsssflash) You'll see that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival... because life is the moment we're living right now."

Jolene Coelho

With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

When someone sees the same people every day, as had happened with him at the seminary (and with me and with you all day long, wherever we are) , they wind up becoming a part of that person's life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.
- - - - - - -
People say strange things, the boy though. Sometimes it's better to be with the sheep, who don't say anything. And better still to be alone with one's books. They tell their incredible stories at the time when you want to hear them. But when you're talking to people, they say some things that are so strange that you don't know how to continue the conversation.
- - - - - - -
"The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."

Tu vivi, e punito

by tenor Richard Croft... yea, just ignore the still picture... and listen..

I really like him.

posted with love for all the ones I love who might be in love ;)
hmm, debated between the lyrics of this one and "I'm only thinking of him..." also from Man of LaMancha soundtrack...totally different line of thought...I'll post that a diff time. Both are unavailable on radioblog:'( how sad.

Aldonza:
Why do you follow him?

Sancho:
That's easy to explain. It's because... a... because...

Aldonza:
Why?

Sancho:
(Singing)
I like him!
I really like him.
Tear out my fingernails one by one
I like him!

I don't have a very good reason
Since I've been with him cuckoonuts have been
In season!

But there is nothing I can do
Chop me up for onion stew
Still I'll yell to the sky
Though I can't tell you why
That I like him

Aldonza:
But what do you get out of it?

Sancho:
What do I get? Why already I've gotten... I've gotten-

Aldonza:
You've got nothing! Why do you do it?

Sancho:
. . .
(Singing)
I like him!
I really like him
Pluck me as a scolded chicken!
I like him!

Don't ask me for a why or wherefore
Since I don't have a very good because
Or therefore

You can barbecue my nose
Make a giblet of my toes
Make me freeze
Make me fry
Make me sigh
Make me cry
Still I'll yell to the sky
Though I can't tell you why
That I... like... him!

Anyhow, for all those who have not yet seen this movie, go
see
it
NOW.
tx. plz. I mess up the order sometimes. ciaociaos all principes and principessas:')